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Relax and recline — the robots are in charge

Earlier this month at the “We, Robot” event in Los Angeles, Elon Musk claimed that Tesla’s line of Optimus robots would be “the biggest product ever of any kind.” The robots mingled with humans at the party, mixed drinks, danced and engaged in conversations that were eerily engaging.
While some tech-watchers were disappointed to learn that parts of the robots’ performance were controlled remotely by Optimus employees, the robots still made a splash, as did Musk’s claim that they will be able to do “basically anything you want.” They will be able to mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, even babysit your kids, all for the low, low price of $20,000-$30,000. Musk also claimed the bots could be available by the end of next year.
Which gives us plenty of time to dread the impending robot takeover.
As for me, I can’t wait. Sure, I was deeply traumatized by the critically panned 1999 film “Bicentennial Man” wherein Robin Williams starts as a robot and ends as a human capable of falling in love with multiple generations of women in the same family. That trauma should make me hesitant about welcoming a cyborg into my living room, as should the 1999 Disney Channel original movie “Smart House,” which is about a house enabled with artificial intelligence that gets jealous of the girlfriend of the father in the home and tries to trap the family inside.
And there are very real concerns about the implications of creating anything that has the potential to outwit and outperform even the smartest and most talented humans. We as a species could be rendered irrelevant or knocked from our spot atop the animal kingdom should robots gain sentience.
HOWEVER. I spent a recent weekend offloading my least favorite task — driving — to an algorithm, and now I think the future looks pretty bright even if the robots stage a revolt. Mostly because I’m pretty tired, and I’ve seen how technology could make me a little less so.
For fall break, our family of five headed to San Francisco. We enjoyed the majesty of Muir Woods, ate outstanding food, toured Alcatraz and took in breathtaking views of the Golden Gate Bridge. But the absolute highlight of the trip was using Waymo vehicles to get around town for roughly the same price as a taxi or Uber, minus the cost of tipping.
Waymo operates driverless taxis using lidar sensors, cameras and radar technology. The vehicles are easy to spot, with spinning sensors attached to the roof of white Jaguar sedans. About every third or fourth car we saw on the streets was a Waymo. The company says it currently completes more than 100,000 rides every week in San Francisco.
At first I was startled by the sight of a car moving without a driver behind the steering wheel. Surely that can’t feel safe, I thought. But then I started to notice how serene the passengers looked.
And I understood that serenity when I took my first ride in a Waymo and realized I got to avoid three of my least favorite things in one ride — navigating the quirks of traffic patterns in a city that’s not my own, parking in a place where parking is extremely limited, and making small talk with a driver.
Sitting in the passenger seat of the driverless vehicle was the first time the whole trip I felt relaxed because, as it turns out, traversing a big city with three kids is not the leisurely getaway I hoped it might be. I was also immediately assuaged of any safety concerns when another driver cut us off and my Waymo honked at them. The Waymo, I knew, had more confidence driving than I ever would, and when it comes to safe driving, confidence is key. As is total spacial awareness and zero distraction, which I, and every Uber driver I’ve ever had, have lacked. My kids, for their part, might as well have been on a Disney ride for the amount of thrill they got from the experience.
During one of the rides, I even took a nap, something I desperately needed after a few nights of sharing two beds among five people. And I arrived at our destination refreshed and ready for the next adventure. I haven’t felt that way after a drive in more than two decades.
Really, my only complaint was that our family of five could not fit into one car (four passengers is the max), so we had to take two cars everywhere, but a Waymo minivan can’t be too far down the pipeline of production. It will be a must when Waymo hits the streets of Utah.
During one of the Waymo rides I got to thinking about what other tasks I could offload onto robots to find a few more moments of relaxation and solitude in my daily life. Turns out it’s a pretty long list, including but not limited to mowing the lawn and cleaning the kitchen.
So despite the warnings of not-very-good movies from the late 90s, I’ll probably be welcoming a robot into my home as soon as it becomes financially viable. If the robots all gain sentience and stage a complete global takeover, I think I’ll be OK with it. So long as I get the occasional nap in the car.

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